Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
