Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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