why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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