just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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