based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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