3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
