Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm too high and old for this...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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