The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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