it was like his penis was on wheels.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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