I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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