I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
