I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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