ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
