Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
