it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
