he shaved USA in his pubs
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
