Cold hands, warm shart.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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