Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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