I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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