im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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