i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
