So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
