Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
