I wish you could order shots online.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
