Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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