end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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