Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
