i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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