I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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