she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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