chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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