Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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