Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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