This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
