he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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