Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
