you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
