So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
