Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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