you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
