We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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