i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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