wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
