Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
