We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
