Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
