I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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