Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
