I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
