Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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