those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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