I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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