Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
