____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
