I wannas sexs uuuuu
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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