There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
