is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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