just tell him i said nine months
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize