she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
