It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
