I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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