All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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